Purple Rain Enter a World of Pain

Team WoW 21
Purple Rain 1
(Foster 5, Scott 5, Gale 3, Thompson 4, Kidd 3, Bryan)

Team WoW made it two on the trot tonight, annihilating Purple Rain by a staggering 20 goals in their second grading game. The impressive win broke the Team WoW record by 6 goals. All the boys contributed to the win, barring keeper Michael Riske, who had very little to do in goals. The sheer wealth of goals makes stand-out performances (either good or bad) hard to gauge, but seeing as it took Solomon Foster 106 shots to put away 5 mediocre toe-pokes, he was never likely to retain his man-of-the-match status. Jonathon Bryan returned to the squad for the affair, netting one of his own. Rob Schaap and Wil Darling were both unavailable for selection.

Team WoW got off to the best possible start in the match, scoring in just under 30 seconds. A sleek Phil Gale cross from the left wing found a tightly marked Scott. The ball appeared to take the final touch off the defender for an own goal, but closer examination reveals Scott got the slightest of touches off the left foot - enough to claim his first goal of the season. Scott then turned provider, slicing an irresistible ball in the direction of Alec Kidd, who finished coolly. My extreme narcissism means I am unlikely to remember many goals which didn't directly involve me, but I'm pretty sure the next one was scored by Gale. Bryan's ball was intended for Scott, who left it for a powerful finish from the defender. This is where things get really blurry. I'm fairly certain Sol Foster and Andy Thompson managed one each with Bryan and Scott off the field, bringing the tally to 5-0. The pair were then reintroduced, and Scott managed an outstanding nuts on the keeper to grab the brace. A few more goals were scored, making the score, say 9-0. Bryan's nerves were palpable, as he was the only player yet to score. Including the defenders. And he was playing attack the entire time. 3 seconds from halftime, however, Scott found the Baha'i from a corner. A cool take around and finish later, Bryan was a noticeably more relaxed figure.

Halftime. 10-0. Scott pleaded with the team during the break to relent; to focus more on tight passing than goals.

His words had very little impact.

The grossness continued in the second half, with Gale shooting on sight, Thompson netting one or two cheap ones, and Foster really turning on the toe-poke show. 'Irregardless' (as Thompson's kinsmen would say) of this, there were some really nice goals scored. In a rare piece of passing play, Gale found Foster, who slid it across to Thompson. The Canadian fought every urge to shoot and squared the ball back to Gale, who fired into the corner from long range. Alex Kidd managed a meticulous header from a Michael Riske goal throw, placing it right in the bottom corner and out of the keeper's reach. And Scott managed a couple of beauties; the first a lofted strike into the top corner, the second a cheeky flick from a Bryan through-ball. Also, Thompson fired in an absolute ripper loaded with English. With that, every outfield player scored in both halves... with one exception. I don't think we'll need to put up a poll to determine who that was. There was one brief consolation for Purple Rain, however. After the striker skipped passed Gale, he was fouled unceremoniously by the defender. The resulting freekick cannoned in off the head of an unlucky Alex Kidd. 21-1 the final score.

Numerous players, from both sides, commented on the grossness of the game. Team WoW thoroughly outclassed the opposition, and the scoreline was an accurate depiction. Alice Minchin echoed these sentiments in post-match interviews. "That was gross," the apprentice futsal analyst commented. "But I thought Team WoW worked well as a unit, and obviously there are a lot of positives to take from this game. Jono [Bryan] was really good too." Other analysts posited that the pair would have to be romantically linked, based on this statement alone.

See the boys in action again next week, time and place TBA. Also, add any goals I missed to the comments if you so wish.